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New Wizards

Apr 25, 2018

Our friend Kate Dries joins us again to close the snog loop! We walk in on a weeping Draco and, in an effort to console him, slash him into stew meat. Our Grandpa drinks a yucky juice and begs us to kill him. But most important of all: is Ginny a virgin when she starts dating Harry? …??? …?!?!

Apr 18, 2018

Draco gentrifies the Room of Requirement. Tonks gives a cry for help via a cryptic Spotify playlist. Harry is up all night to get lucky. Why does Voldemort want to live that long? Is he breeding tortoises? And we have a few not-terrible and definitely-good thoughts on what the remaining Horcruxes might be...

Apr 11, 2018

Ron eats a pack of Choco-Cauldrons and wakes up in a corn field. Josh thinks Snape might be the Half-Blood Prince, or a Fifth-Blood Duke at the least. Life at Hogwarts means bumping up against McMotherfuckers, and this one’s ruining our Quidditch. Voldemort has red eyes, like in those memes.